


Trying to be like Her

by ZooTycoon223



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apartment AU, Multi, Sad times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1910106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZooTycoon223/pseuds/ZooTycoon223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Michael J. Caboose, and you hate Texas.</p><p>Soon Texas took over.</p><p>You were jealous of Texas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Michael J. Caboose, and you hate Texas.

Maybe you should explain, lest the gun toting cowboys kick down your door to defend their proud state.

You already took the time to introduce yourself, and that’s important, but maybe you should make your situation a bit clearer. You are Caboose, and you live in an apartment complex. A while back, your friend Tucker approached you and told you that one of their friends was looking for a roommate. You have been feeling pressured by your parents to move out for a while now, so you decided that it might be a good idea. Plus, it was a chance to make a new friend, and you love to do that too. You agreed to go with Tucker to meet this friend and check the place out.

That was the first time you had laid eyes on Leonard Church.

_Church looked you up and down quickly before turning to Tucker with a desperate look._

_“Really, Tucker, this is the best you could do?”_

_“C’mon, Church, don’t be a dick, you haven’t even gotten to know him yet.”_

_You looked over at the man who you assumed was Church. He was a bit shorter than you, although not by much. He had a stocky build, with big, tan arms that your eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to. His brown hair was curly and short, gathered messily into a fauxhawk, and his green eyes stared at you with…well, you suppose it was curiosity, but dislike at the same time._

_“How do you even know this guy, Tucker?”_

_“We went to high school together,” Tucker explained, turning to face you, “Caboose, why don’t you introduce yourself to Church.”_

_You nodded, stepping forward and holding out your hand._

_“Hello, Church, my name is Michael J. Caboose.” You say with a smile._

_“Yeah, Leonard Church, hey.” The other man replied, begrudgingly grabbing your hand and giving it a quick shake. He quickly drew his hand back as if you had some sort of contagious disease that he was afraid of catching and turned back to look at Tucker._

_“Really?” He groaned. Tucker closed his eyes with a sigh, shaking his head._

Soon after your meeting, you moved into the empty room that, up until then, Church had been using for storage. You were, of course, eager to make friends with him. Church, however, wanted to be difficult. He didn’t talk to you much, and he tended to ignore you whenever you said something to him. You always figured he was just shy. After all, with an exception of Tucker, you never saw Church have many people over. Of course, you did often think that maybe Church didn’t want to be your friend.

_“Tucker,” You began, catching your friend’s attention, “Why doesn’t Church like me?”_

_“What are you talking about, Caboose, of course he likes you.”_

_You frowned, “No, he does not want to be my friend, he will not hang out with me, he does not even talk to me unless I talk to him first, and that is usually just to tell me to be quiet.”_

_“Look, dude, Church is…difficult. He has this weird thing about opening up to people.”_

_“You mean like at the doctor?”_

_“What, no, I mean, he has a hard time letting people get to know him, something about how they all leave and that getting attached just makes it harder to cope with.”_

_“That is sad. I wish Church would let me open him up, I would not leave.”_

_“Yeah, well, Church isn’t exactly the person you can convince of that.”_

_“Maybe I could try?”_

_“I guess, but, Caboose, don’t get your hopes up, okay?”_

_You nodded, and Tucker gave you a weak smile. You could tell that he wasn’t being very genuine._

Then again, Church didn’t seem to talk to many people. After all the things Tucker had told you, you were convinced that Church just didn’t have many friends in general.

Except, that is, for Texas.

Texas was Church’s girlfriend. Her real name was Allison, but she didn’t like to be called that. She preferred Texas, or Tex. You always tried your hardest not to have to talk to Texas. She was, in a word, scary, and you always got the impression that she never liked you. She did, however, like Church, and Church, he liked her back. She would come over multiple days a week, sometimes she would even spend the night. You did not know what they did when she was here, but you could tell that it made Church happy.

_You threw the blankets off with a yawn, the smell of food compelling you to rise from your slumber. You threw on some pants and an old t-shirt and wandered out of your room._

_“Hey Caboose.” Church greeted you as you stepped into the kitchen. You were caught off guard. Church hardly talked to you, much less greeted you in the morning. You looked around the room, taking in the setting. Church was at the stove, spatula in hand. After a small sniff of the air, you determined he was making pancakes. Church never cooked for anyone but himself. It was then that you noticed an unfamiliar face sitting at the kitchen table._

_“Oh, hey, Caboose, this is my girlfriend, Allison.” He called from the other side of the room._

_“Please, call me Texas, Church knows I hate my name.”_

_“Hello, I am-“Caboose began to introduce himself, but was cut off by the stranger._

_“Church has told me all about you.” Texas said, taking a sip from a coffee mug._

_“Oh, what did he say? Did he tell you that we are best friends?”_

_“Not in…so many words.” Texas said, glancing at Church._

_“Hey, c’mon, Tex, we’re all friends here.” Church chuckled nervously. You couldn’t tell he was doing it to cover something up, all you knew was that Church had just called you his friend._

_“Church, I knew we were friends.”_

_“Yeah, course we are, buddy.” Church let out another nervous laugh._

At first, having Texas around was great. She made Church happy, and that meant he was much nicer. He started hanging out with you, and you even got to tag along when the pair went out. You never felt like a third wheel, you were just happy to be out with Church, happy to have another friend to hang out with. You could even get along with Texas, albeit with a little bit of friction. But, hey, Tucker always told you that friction made things more interesting, whatever that meant. Even when Texas wasn’t with you, Church still seemed to be more personable. He’d talk to you, and hardly yelled, even when you did something that he would have told you was stupid.

But after a while, Church changed.

_“Hey, uh, Caboose, can I talk to you real quick?” Church asked, poking his head into your room. You looked up at him from your bed with a smile._

_“Hello, Church, of course you can talk to me, we are friends and that is what friends do.”_

_“Yeah, that’s great. So, listen, would you be willing to, maybe, stay home tonight while Tex and I go out?”_

_You felt your mouth curve into a frown. “But, Church, we were supposed to go see a movie.”_

_“Well, Tex just wants to spend some time with me, y’know? Go on a real date, just me and her.”_

_“But, Church-“_

_“Caboose, look, I’m sorry, but I’ve already made up my mind. You can’t keep clinging to me like a lost puppy. I gotta go get ready to pick Tex up anyway.”_

_Before you could argue, Church had slipped out of your room and shut the door behind him. You grabbed one the pillows and angrily flung it at the already closed door before falling back onto your bed with a sob._

Soon Texas took over. It felt like she had moved in, and every day you were worried that Church would kick you out so that she could move in for sure. But that never happened. Instead, Church went back to ignoring you. You stayed in your room, only coming out if you heard Tucker’s voice.

_“I’m worried about Caboose.” You hear Tucker’s voice coming from the living room. Hesitantly, you crack the door to make out what he’s saying._

_“What? What for?” Church’s voice replies. You can tell that he isn’t in the mood to deal with the conversation._

_“I haven’t heard from him in days, he usually never goes an hour without texting me some stupid message about what he’s up to. Has he even left his room?”_

_“I don’t know, Tucker, I’ve been out with Tex all weekend.”_

_“So you just ignored him?”_

_“He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.”_

_“Church, the guy thinks you’re his best friend, he never shuts up about you.”_

_“Well, that isn’t MY fault, I don’t even like the guy.”_

_You hadn’t realized it, but the whole conversation you had inched out of your room and were now peering into the living room. The others hadn’t realized it either, until you let out a gasp._

_“O-oh, hey Caboose.” Church says, turning to look at you._

_“D-did you really mean that,” You feel yourself choke out, “Do you really not like me?”_

_Church turns to avoid looking you in the eyes. You can feel the tears start to run down your cheeks. He opens his mouth to reply, but Tucker cuts him off._

_“Hey, Caboose, buddy, do you wanna come hang out at my apartment for a while?” Tucker asks with a smile. You look at Church, vision blurry, and nod weakly. Tucker helps you pack some things and walks you out of the apartment._

You were worried at first, because Tucker’s boyfriend spent a lot of time at his apartment and, well, your track record with other relationships wasn’t so great.

_“Caboose, this is Wash.”_

_“Wash…that is a very strange name.” You say bluntly. You stare at the blond man. That is the first thing you notice, his short, spiky hair. It is mostly blond, but the sides are grey, which is strange to you, because he does not seem very old. You notice that he is very muscular with pale skin that is covered in freckles. He smiles at you, his green eyes flashing._

_“Well, my real name is David Washington, but Wash is a nickname of mine and it kind of stuck. It’s nice to meet you, Caboose. Tucker has told me about you.” Wash extends a hand. You grab it, shyly, and shake it a couple times. He smiles at you again before turning to look at Tucker._

You liked being around Tucker and Wash more than you did being around Church and Texas. They did not ignore you or make you stay home or tell you that they did not like you. They were actually your friends and did not lie to your face about it. You only stayed with them for a couple days before deciding to go back to your and Church’s apartment. Tucker told you you could stay but you were afraid that you would just make them unhappy like you did with Church and you did not want them to not like you either.

_You inhaled weakly and turned the doorknob, taking a step into the living room. Church and Texas were on the couch watching TV. Church stood up, opening his mouth to say something, but you ignored him, instead heading straight for your room. You did not want to be reminded that he did not like you, and you did not want to see Texas at all. You were hoping that she would be gone by now, that Church would get tired of her like he had you. Your intention was to ignore her with the hope that she would actually disappear if you did._

_Of course, that didn’t work, but ignoring her meant you didn’t have to see the mean looks she gave you or hear the mean things she whispered under her breath._

You were jealous of Texas. She was the only one who Church liked to be around, the only one who got him to smile and laugh. You wanted that. You wanted to be the one who Church could sit with and not talk about anything. You wished that just your presence was enough to make Church happy.

Of course, sometimes Texas did not make Church happy. Sometimes you’d hear them yell at each other. You could hear the cracks in Church’s voice, a vulnerability that you didn’t recognize. He would shout at Texas about how she hurt him so much, and how he was mad at himself for letting it happen.

Whenever they fought, Texas would stop coming around for a few weeks. Church was even worse during those periods. He wouldn’t eat, he stayed in bed a lot, and you were sure that every so often you’d hear Church crying. You wanted to help, but whenever you approached him he’d yell, threaten you, and try and hit you. You hated when Church was upset, but you were too afraid to actually try and help. You made it a point to remind Church that you were here to help, that you wanted to be his friend and help him be happy, but he never came to you.

Eventually, though, Texas always seemed to come back, and she and Church acted like nothing happened, went back to laughing and smiling and pretending that they really were happy.

You got the idea in your head that acting like Texas might help you get Church’s attention.

_“You sure about this, Caboose?” Tucker asked with a frown. You nodded._

_You leaned over the sink in Tucker’s apartment as the other male began the tedious process of bleaching your hair. Tucker kept reminding you that you’d look ridiculous but you had made your mind up. Texas had blonde hair, and Church like Texas. If your hair was blond, maybe Church would like you too._

_When you came home that night, all Church did was laugh at you, telling you that you looked like an idiot. You cried yourself to sleep that night._

_When you woke up, you decided that just dying your hair wasn’t enough. You had to act like Texas to make the transformation believable. You spoke bluntly and tried to be as rude as possible. You upset Texas doing that and Church nearly put your head through the wall._

_The next day you have Tucker dye your hair back to the closest color it was before you fucked it up._

You let out a sigh, chewing on a pen. You look down at the blank sheet of paper in front of you. You know that you can’t just leave without saying something, but actually talking to Church would probably just make him mad. You scrawl out a hasty goodbye, telling Church that you’re sorry for wasting his time and getting in the way, and that you were glad he pretended to be your friend, even if just for a little while. You stick it to the refrigerator and grab the bags that you’ve had packed for a few days. You didn’t have much to take with you, and that just made it easier to leave.

Someone clears their throat in the hall. You look up. Your eyes form into a glare. It’s just her.

“You goin’ somewhere?” She asks. You nod. You don’t really want to talk to Texas, after all, she IS the reason you decided to leave.

You watch her as she leans against the wall, crossing her arms.

“Take care of yourself.” She said curtly. You nod and turn, heading toward the door.

“Hey kid,” She calls out. You stop, door half open, and look at her, “Sorry bout all this.”

You nod again and exit the door, closing it quietly behind you.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is Leonard Church, and you hate a lot of things.

You wake up that morning to a sudden chill running down your spine. You aren’t sure why, but there is a feeling of loneliness hanging in the room. You feel your eyes crack open and slowly you take in the empty spot next to you. You figure that just means Tex has already woken up. You roll over and throw the blankets off with a grumble.

After throwing on a shirt that you pulled out of a drawer without looking at it, you head into the kitchen. Tex is sitting on the counter, a coffee mug in her hand. She looks up at you, mouth forming into a half smile for a few seconds.

“Nice of you to wake up.” She teases.

“Shut up, we can’t all rise with the sun.”

“You should try it sometime, it beats wasting the day away.” She smiles. You frown at her.

“Tex, it wouldn’t kill you to sleep in every now and then.” You reply with a huff. She chuckles.

“Maybe when you wake up early I sleep in.”

“Don’t hold your breath, lady.” You tell her as you grab a bowl from the cabinet.

“What, the great Chef Leonard doesn’t want to grace us with the privilege of his gourmet breakfast today?”

“Hey, you want something, you can cook it. I’m gonna settle for cereal. Can you grab the milk from the fridge?” You ask as you reach into a different cabinet to pull out a box of cereal. She see her hesitate a second before opening the fridge. You dismiss it as one of those quirky Tex things you never understood. You almost feel like you hear the sound of paper being crinkled, but you chock that up to your imagination.

The two of you take a seat at the kitchen table and suddenly the silence becomes very clear to you.

“Hey Tex, where’s Caboose?”

“Hm?”

“Usually he’s up by now, humming to himself or spilling things all over the kitchen floor.”

“Maybe he’s sleeping in?” She shrugs. You shake your head.

“Caboose never sleeps in, he usually has trouble sleeping.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. One time I got up in the middle of the night, it was probably like 3am, to use the bathroom and he was pacing around the living room.”

“You sure that isn’t just him being weird?” You shake your head again, mouth forming into a frown.

“He wasn’t like that back when we first started living together. In fact, I feel like it started fairly recently.”

Tex shrugs again before crossing her arms.

“Maybe I should go wake him up.” You think out loud.

“Church, he’s a big boy. If what you said is true, he’s probably tired. Just let him sleep.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right. Besides, it’s not like,” You nod, pausing mid-sentence, “It’s not like I care, right?”

You didn’t say much for the rest of breakfast. Since when did you care that much about Caboose? You can see Tex looking at you funny, you smile at her. She rolls her eyes and goes back to focusing on her cereal. Normally you wouldn’t be so concerned about the other male, but something felt…off. You couldn’t really put your finger on it, but you couldn’t shake the feeling. You glance up at Tex, who seems to be in her own little world.

Finally, she broke the silence.

“Church, let’s go to the mall, okay?”

“You hate the mall.”

“Yeah, but I need to get a couple things, and besides, it’s something different, right?”

You nod in agreement. You feel your eyes look in the direction of Caboose’s room.

“Let’s get dressed and head out then, okay?” Tex says to you.

“Let me just…check on Caboose first, alright?”

“Church, come on.”

“I just wanna make sure he’s alright, you know.”

“At least get ready first so that we can go after you do that.”

“Fine.” You give in with a frustrated groan. You get up, put you bowl in the sink and go into your room. You look down at the shirt you threw on when you woke up, a novelty t-shirt that Caboose bought for you a while ago. Fortunately it was clean, so all you had to do was put on some pants and throw on your shoes. You were ready fairly quickly.

“I’ll check on Caboose while you go get ready.”

“Church, I don’t think it’s a good idea to check on him.”

“What, why?”

“Just, trust me.”

You stare at Tex as she turns and walks into your bedroom. You scoff at her and walk to Caboose’s room.

“Caboose, buddy, you awake?” You ask, knocking on the door a few times. You wait for a response, but you don’t get one. In fact, you don’t hear any noise at all.

“Caboose, man, I’m coming in.” You announce, voice filled with worry you didn’t know you could muster for the other man. You didn’t know what to expect, but you can say for sure that an empty room was not it.

“TEX.” You feel yourself turn and run to your room. Tex turns to look at you as you come to a stop in the door to your room.

“I warned you.”

“Where is Caboose?”

“How should I know, Church?” She puts her hands up for emphasis.

“Well, you seemed to know that he was gone.”

“Coincidence?”

“Tex, do NOT give me that bullshit.” You feel your hands clench into fists. She sighs, walking over to you.

“I may or may not have seen him leave.”

“And you didn’t stop him?!”

“Why would I?”

“I-I don’t know. It doesn’t seem right to just-just let him go.”

“Well, he seemed like he had his mind made up.” Tex shrugs lightly. You feel your teeth grit in anger.

“This doesn’t seem right, even if he DID want to leave, he would have said something.”

Caboose hardly took the time to stop talking long enough to breathe, there’s no way he would have just left, not without saying something to you first. Even something like a note…

A note.

“Maybe he left a note or something. Tex, did you see anything?”

“I wasn’t looking, to be honest.”

“I can’t believe you’re being so indifferent about this.”

“Church, I don’t really care about the guy.”

“Well I do.”

“Do you”

Do you, though? Do you really care about that annoying oaf of a man?

“I-I do.”

“Coulda fooled me, Church.”

You open your mouth to respond, but you can’t think of any words. She did have a point. You were never exactly nice to Caboose, and you can’t deny that. In fact, you would think it’s safe to say that you had been pretty damn nasty to Caboose quite often. You can still make out the heartbroken face he gave you that one time you told Tucker you didn’t like him.

“That’s what I thought.” You hear Tex say, her voice filled with smugness.

“Just…shut up and help me look for a note or something.” You turn and make your way toward the kitchen.

“Church-“

“Look, Tex, I know you don’t care about Caboose, I know you don’t care where he went or why he left or what happened to him, I know that you have a hard time letting anyone pierce that hard shell of yours, but could you please, for once, think of someone OTHER than yourself.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk, Church. You were too afraid to even talk to the guy for the first month because you didn’t want to end up liking him and having your heart broken when he abandoned you.”

“Maybe that’s because everyone I let get close to me does hurt me.”

“Wow, Church, that makes me feel really good about myself.” She spits.

“Really, Tex, are you REALLY going to go there? Are you really going to say that, considering that every argument we have stems from your inability to care about anyone else?”

“Oh, you are not going to blame ME because you’re an insecure prick.”

“Tex, I don’t have time for this, I gotta look for something.”

You enter the kitchen and begin to scan up and down. You have no clue what to look for, but anything out of place would be a good start. You check the counters and the refrigerator, and then it hits you. You turn and open the trash can. Immediately something draws your eyes, a bright blue piece of paper, crumpled into a little ball.

“I knew I wasn’t crazy” You say, snatching the paper ball out of the can and uncrumpling it.

“Allison.”

“Church, you know I hate that name.”

“Did you throw this away?” You growl, holding up the paper and waving it at her. She looks away from you, crossing her arms.

“…”

“DID. YOU. THROW. THIS. AWAY?”

“I wanted to make it easier to forget about him.”

“Are you KIDDING?”

“Look, Church, I don’t see what you’re getting so worked up about. So he left, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal, Tex, is that I love him.”

“What?”

What? Did you really just say what you think you just said? Tex is staring at you now, disbelief painted across her face. You tear your eyes away from her, looking down at the paper in your hand.

“I said…’I love him’.” You repeat, unsurely.

She uncrosses her arms and you can see her expression soften.

“I’ve had a feeling about that for a while now, actually.” She says quietly. You tilt your head in confusion.

“I don’t-I don’t understand.”

“Look, Church, I had a feeling that it would never work out between us.”

“What?”

“I think I started to figure it out when you started forcing Caboose to stay home when we went out. You seemed so much more on edge when you were alone with me.”

“I…yeah. Tex, I did have feelings for you, but when we first started fighting a few months ago I could feel them going away, actually…” You stop, she looks at you curiously, “that was when I started to think about Caboose. No matter how aggressive I got, no matter how much I threatened him, he just kept trying to tell me that he wanted me to be happy. No wonder he left.”

“Church.”

“I gotta go find him.”

“You don’t have any idea where he’d go.”

“No, but I know who would.”

You turn quickly and bolt out the front door. It’s funny, but you never realized how lucky you were that your best friend lived in the same apartment complex as you. Guess things just work out sometimes.

“Tucker, I swear to god, you better be home.” You mumble to yourself as you pound on his door. You wait impatiently, tapping your foot, and after a few minutes the door open. Tucker stands in front of you in a baggy grey and yellow t-shirt, rubbing his eyes.

“Dude, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“It’s like noon, Tucker.”

“Yeah, exactly.” He squints at you, clearly agitated. His expression becomes less harsh when he looks more closely at you.

“Where’s Caboose?” You cut to the chase. He exhales a breath you didn’t know he was holding and steps aside, motioning for you to enter the apartment. You watch him close the door and head over to the couch. He gestures at the chair across from him, but you shake your head, you have no intentions of getting comfortable.

“What’s going on?” Wash asks as he enters the room, confused look on his face as he looks over at you.

“Caboose finally left.” Tucker answers with a sigh. Somehow, you expected both of them to react with more shock.

“You guys are awfully calm about this whole thing.” You say suspiciously. You watch Wash as he flops down on the couch next to Tucker and snuggles up to him. You roll your eyes.

“Dude, you really hurt Caboose, he’s been thinking about leaving for a weeks now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Tucker?” You feel hurt.

“Because, Church, you aren’t exactly the most caring or understanding person I know. Plus, I hate taking sides. I know where you’re coming from with your whole brick wall thing, but I get Caboose’s side too. He really likes you, Church.”

“…” You aren’t sure what to say to that.

“You like him too, don’t you?” Tucker questions. All you can do is nod in response.

“Yeah, I kinda had a feeling.”

“Okay, really? First Tex, now you. Am I the ONLY one that didn’t know I liked Caboose?”

“Maybe you knew the whole time, and were just too afraid to admit it?” Wash suggested.

“I…” You wanted to argue, you wanted to deny it but you knew that he was right. You were too busy with trying to maintain your fake relationship with Tex that you completely ignored any feelings you had for Caboose, effectively blowing off the only person around you that actually cared enough to put up with your shit on a daily basis.

“Well, whatever the case is, you gotta work that shit out with Caboose, not us.” Tucker states.

“Yeah, but I don’t even know where to start, how am I gonna find him?”

“Well, did Caboose ever talk about anyone else?” Wash asked.

“Not that I know of. He was either with me, or with you guys. He never talked about any other friends, or, well, anyone really.” You tried to think, but you had nothing. Caboose, although open and friendly with everyone, never really hung out with everyone. He always tried to convince people that he was your best friend, but, it seemed like, other than Tucker and Wash, you were actually his only friend. Great, as if you needed more reasons to feel like shit over this whole situation.

“This is bad.” You said, now completely panicked.

“Dude, don’t freak out, what’s the worst that could happen.”

“This is Caboose we’re talking about, Tucker.”

“….shit, you’re right.”

“What if you tried thinking like Caboose?” Wash spoke again. He was greeted with an overpowering silence.

“You realize how awful that suggestion is, right?” Tucker shook his head.

“No,” You interrupted, “He’s got a point. If you were Caboose, and you wanted to leave, and you didn’t come here, where would you go?”

“I don’t know, the amusement park?”

“Tucker, come on, this is a serious question. I don’t even know how long he’s been gone for. What if-what if he’s in trouble, what if he hurt himself, what if someone else hurt him, what if he’s-“

“Whoa, Church, calm down. I know Caboose isn’t exactly bright, but he isn’t stupid enough to get himself killed.” Wash tried to be reassuring.

“Well-“

“Shut up, Tucker.” Wash chided his boyfriend. Tucker threw his hands up in frustration.

“Where was Caboose living before he moved in with me?” You asked.

“I think he was living with his family, why?”

“I think I know where he is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *muffled cackling*


	3. Chapter 3

Your name is Michael J. Caboose, and you’re almost home.

The back seat of the taxi cab is uncomfortable and you feel antsy, squirming around in your seat. The driver glances at you in his rear view mirror, but he doesn’t say anything to you. You suppose it is for the best, you don’t really feel like talking much. You look away from him and back to staring out the window. You feel something poking at your shoulder. You turn your head to try and identify the source. A tan-skinned woman with dark hair grins at you. You look at her, noticing the tattoos that cover both her arms.

“Cool, aren’t they?” She asks. You nod shyly. She keeps smiling at you. You crack a nervous smile back.

“Soooooo, I’m Kaikaina, or Kai, or Sister, whatever you want.” She holds out a hand. You hesitate a second or two before shaking it lightly.

“You got a name or are you gonna make me guess?”

“Michael…Caboose.” You say quietly. She chuckles.

“Caboose, huh? That’s a weird name, but hey, I think I dig it. Where ya headed, Caboose?”

“Just, uh, going home.”

“Home. Were you on like a trip or something?” She asks, curiosity dripping from her voice. You can feel your mouth forming into a frown as you try and even begin to think of an answer.

“Well, I-“

“Hey, man, it’s cool. We all got shit we don’t wanna talk about.” She waves a hand at you. You exhale a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“Yeah, I’m goin’ to the mall. Gonna get my shop on, got me a date tonight.” Kai explains with a sparkle in her eye.

“Ah, that sounds fun.” You reply flatly, not really about to muster excitement.

“Mhmm, plus, she’s a total hottie. You got a girlfriend?” She asks, you shake your head. She pauses.

“Got a boyfriend?” She grins. You shake your head slowly.

“You wanna tell me about it?” You shake your head even more slowly, barely moving it.

You don’t really register much until the car comes to a stop and the door opens. You feel a piece of paper being slipped into your hand.

“My phone number. Don’t worry, I ain’t hittin’ on ya, but we should hang out, y’know?” She grins a huge grin and you nod, returning her smile.

“Yeah, we-we should.”

“Hey, Caboose.”

“Yes?”

“He’ll come around, don’t worry.”

Before you have a chance to ask what she meant or how she knew, the door slammed shut and she was gone. The car slowly begins moving again, and you can’t help but notice how suffocating the silence is. You crack the window a little bit and let the wind blow through your hair.

You suppose you must have dozed off, because you wake up about 20 minutes later and the taxi has stopped moving. You thank the driver for waking you up and pay him before climbing out of the car and getting your bags from the trunk. The driver looks over his shoulder and you nod at him as you step out of the road. He pulls away and you turn to face the house that he dropped you off in front of. You could have sworn home would have felt more…welcoming. You dismiss it and walk over to the front door. You place your bags down and fish around in your pocket for the key. You have no clue if anyone is home, but it’ll give you a chance to reacquaint yourself with your bedroom. You make a note to remember to thank your mom for not getting rid of anything. The door unlocks with a click and you open it effortlessly.

“Church?” Is the only thing you can manage to say when you step into the living room. Church stands up from his spot on the couch and looks at you. He takes a step toward you and you take a step back.

“What-what are you doing here?” You ask, voice unsteady.

“I came to talk to you, Caboose.”

“H-how did you even get in?”

“Your mom let me in before she left to go to the store, nice lady.” Church replies nonchalantly.

“Church, I think maybe you should just-just leave.”

“Sort of like you did this morning?” He said, voiced pained. You feel your mouth open but no words come out.

“Why’d you leave, Caboose? More importantly, why leave without saying anything?”

“I-I left a note.”

“And that’s supposed to be enough?”

“Church, I-I left ‘cause I wanted to give you the chance to be happy, with Tex.”

“Caboose, I-“

“Plus, it is not like you actually, I don’t know, wanted me there.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Church, you never ever talked to me.”

“What are you talking about, we talked all the time.”

“Sure, we talked, Church, if you yelling at me all the time counts as talking.”

He stares at you, mouth closed. You can feel the tears on your cheeks.

“All I wanted was for you to pay attention to me, for us to be friends, I did not want to like you Church, but I did. I wanted you to look at me and talk to me the way you talked to Tex. I wanted you to love me, Church, and all you did was hurt me.”

“Caboose.”

“I changed my hair to be like her, I acted like her, I thought that if I tried to be like her then you would want to hang out with me and have a nice time with me and go out with me in public and not be ashamed to spend time around me but all you did was laugh at me and insult me and remind me that everything I did was wrong and how you did not want to be around me.”

“Look, Caboose-“

“All I want to know is why, Church. Why are you here when you should be with her? Why are you here when Tex is probably back at your apartment waiting for you? Why are you acting like you care about me when you are in love with Texas?”

“Because, Caboose,” Church said, finally raising his voice, ‘I don’t love Tex.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I don’t. I-I love you, Caboose.”

You feel the air struggle to enter your chest. Your ears are ringing and suddenly everything is very bright.

“What?” You finally choke out.

“I don’t love Tex. I mean, I did, but I don’t now,” He struggles to explain, “Look, Caboose, you know first-hand that lately all Tex and I did was fight. Even she noticed that I wasn’t the same as I was back when you used to come along with us when we went out. I guess I was just too scared to admit that maybe it was you I wanted to be with and not her. I was afraid you would leave, just like you ended up doing.”

The last few words are very sharp and you suddenly feel a pain in your chest. You look down at the ground.

“Church, please.”

“No, Caboose, I thought you were gone for good, it was the worst feeling I’ve had in a long time, worse than all the times I fought with Tex combined. I thought I had lost you, and I don’t ever want to go through that again.”

“N-no, Church, please do not keep talking. I would like you to leave.”

“Caboose, come on-“

“Leave!” You shout, hands balling into fists. You glare up at him through tear-blurred vision. He gives you the kind of look usually sported by an injured puppy before looking down to stare at his shoes.

“Church-“

“No, you’re right, I’ll just…go.” He says, defeated. He exhales before taking a few steps toward the door. You tense up as he steps next to you. You consider reaching out to stop him, but your body stays frozen as he walks past you. You hear the door close quietly behind you and you wait until you’re sure that he’s gone before you drop to your knees, clutching your head in your hands.

And then suddenly, it’s dark.

Not dark because you lost consciousness, but dark because it’s dark inside. You listen for a minute and are assaulted by the sound of heavy rain. You are curled up on the floor in your living room, and you figured you must have fallen asleep. You seem to be doing that a lot lately. You stand up, body sore from sleeping on the floor. It takes a few seconds, but your brain manages to remind you of what had happened earlier and suddenly you feel panicked. The pain from who knows how long on the floor is replaced with a sudden burst of energy as you spin around and throw the front door open.

“Church?”

A particularly wet looking Church looks up at you from his seat on the front step. His usually bright green eyes are dull and red, and his cheeks are wet, although that could be from the rain, but he seems to have been crying.

“Caboose, I-“

You don’t give him a chance to talk, because he’s cut off as you throw yourself on him, knocking both of you onto the wet, muddy ground. Your cheeks are wet too, but you are sure it’s not from the rain.

“Church, I am sorry I yelled at you please do not leave.”

“Caboose, you had every right to yell at me, I deserved it and so much more. I just, God, I’m so afraid of letting myself get hurt that I didn’t think about how much I was hurting everyone else, how much I was hurting you, Caboose, and all it did was do what I was afraid would happen in the first place.”

“I just wanted you to be happy, Church, I have told you that before.”

“I know, buddy, and I didn’t listen. Look, Caboose, I’m so, so sorry. Can you forgive me? I mean, if you can’t then I totally understand, because I don’t really deserve it and-“

You don’t give him a chance to keep rambling, because you’ve made up your mind. You decide that his lips should stop making words and start making friends with your own lips. It isn’t a long kiss, and it isn’t particularly romantic or well executed, but it’s enough, because immediately you can feel Church relax against you, that, or he’s sinking into the mud. You break the kiss and he smiles at you.

“What about Tex?” You ask, worried. His grin doesn’t falter.

“Tex was part of the process of figuring out I liked you. After I found out you had left, we had a talk, or an argument and THEN a talk, but it helped me realize that I did have feelings for her at one point, but after a while I was just using our relationship to lie to myself about my feelings for you.”

“So Tex does not want to break me in half for stealing her boyfriend?” You ask, still worried. Church chuckles, and the movement of his body under yours makes you relax too.

“No, buddy, I’m sure she won’t have any hard feelings.”

You are about to say something when you feel a shiver run down your spine. Church must have felt it too, because he began to squirm. He grin and climb off him, standing up. You hold out a hand for him and he takes it, using it to pull himself off the ground. You go to let go, but he pulls you toward him and wraps his arms around your waist. You actually have trouble processing the fact that the arms that you were mesmerized by when you first met are holding on to you.

“I really do love you, Caboose.” He whispers into your ear. You bury your face into his shoulder and he holds you in the rain for what seems like an eternity. Finally he lets go and takes a step back, wiping some mud off your cheek as he does. He smiles at you, a sincere smile you’ve never seen him wear before.

“Get your bags, Caboose, it’s gonna get dark soon and I don’t know how long Tex is gonna stay at my-our place.” He explains warmly. You nod and turn to head inside.

Your name is Michael J. Caboose, and you’re finally going home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, I am so sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for Red vs. Blue. Actually, it's my first time writing a fanfic in months, so I apologizing if it's a little sloppy. I wanted to do something different with the POV and I was inspired by Caboose's quote from the episode in season 10 where they fight all the Tex-bots.  
> Let me know what you think, feedback is always appreciated.


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